School Begins....And So My Life Ends

Now, I don't know how many people actively read my blog, and though I'd like to think it has over five million people viewing it daily, that's just a load of bullshit. I'm really not that funny, and my humor attracts a certain genre of people. So if you don't think I'm funny, well have a nice life. Never read my blog again. That's ok. I'm ok with that because i really couldn't care less about your personal opinion.
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just fyi.

Now, in a week or two School starts. SHIT! I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT SOUL SUCKING HOLE OF HELL!

Taxi!

Now in a taxi with the fam, the cab driver is still trying to fill it up, riding with strangers ftw. There was a beautiful golden on the ferry who looked about twenty, but was only six. There were actually a lot of dogs. One growled and nearly ate my hot dog, but most were friendly. I saw Phantom Of Opera last night, and it was unbelievable. There were lots of labs and a few pitbulls, but many different breeds as well. The cab leaves, and so do I! Adios!

Ferry!

I love boats, except for when I get attacked by them, but that's a story for another day. So when I found out we'd take a ferry to Martha's Vineyard, (No, I didn't know it is an island) I was thrilled. But the problem is, my mom overpacked...this will be interesting. Docking now, fill you in later!!!!

Road trip!

I'm currently on the road! My family is driving to NYC then Martha's Vineyard. And I have some road tripping advice!

1. If you have a family member in the car who likes it frigid, be resourceful. Use your way too big raincoat/poncho thing as a blanket. Or, use that oversized sweatshirt as sweatpants, putting one leg through each sleeve. Or just use a blanket.

2. Bring earplugs. You do not want to be forced to listen to your mom saying "LOOK!!! TREES!" Or your sister's obsession with a specific singer. Or your dad's pathetic whistling. Or any of them trying to sing.

3. Don't wear sneakers. Sneakers are the epitome of death when it comes to road trips. Why? Well, when you are sleeping, you want to get comfortable, so you kick off your sneakers. Then as you are drifting off to sleep, your feet get hot. This is awful. So you take off your socks. Then a minute later, your family decides to take a pit stop. Now, you are screwed, and the last person in the car because you can't find your socks, then after you find them, you have to put them on. Now you can just put on your snea.....WHERE ARE THEY?

4. Charge your electronics so then you don't get bored and they don't die and leave you to interact with the wildebeests that are your family.

Have fun on your trip!

Little Kids?

So I've been a counsler a couple times this summer and here is a composition of all the things these little kids have said to me, or that I've heard them say, which i find interesting:

"Do you shave? You are prickly!"

"I like the country of Europe." Me: What continent is it in? "England."

"Niagara Falls is a magical place where you can eat popsicles every day!"

"Your hair makes you look old."

"You can't wear that sticker. You are wearing a formal shirt. No stickers on formal shirts!!!" (It was a t-shirt with a shark on it.)

"Are you married?"

Ah little kids. So refreshing.

Kitten?

So me and Sister were skyping last night, and she was all "Dakota (our cat) is lonely. We should get her a friend." I was a bit dubious, as Sister is in college. And I would have to take of said kitten. So I was all "no." She then showed me a picture of the cutest little kitty I have ever seen!!!!! I now want a kitten.

Poof?

So in my previous post, I mentioned my friend, Poof. I am going to keep adding, throughout my blog, Poof quotes. Here are today's:

• "So there's  a deer, right? And it's crossing the road and then a car comes along. The deer sees the lights and is all like "Whaaaa?" And then it goes through the windshield."
• "Oh my goodness gracious it's water!"
• "LOOK AT THE SKY! IT'S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THE PLANETARIUM!"

Idol?

My blogging Idol is the illustrious Allie Brosh of the magical Hyperbole And A Half, which is every blogger/comedian/depressed person's dream to have their blog become. I followed her blog religiously. Until that day. That day that haunts us HAAH'ers in our dreams. That day 283 days ago, when the LAST HAAH blog post was written. Now, that might not be the last one EVER. HOPEFULLY. BUT it was the last one for 283 days. I miss you SO MUCH ALLIE! COME BACK! <3 <3 <3 D: D: D: D:

Blank?

So I do not know how you would say eat/drink a Root Beer Float. To solve this conundrum, I asked my friend. To solve further confusion, I shall name her Poof. So, "Poof" decides to come up with a bunch of different words/phrases. You could be:

• Feasting upon
• Consuming
• Devouring
• Engorging yourself on
• Ingesting
• Partake of
• Enjoying
• Swallowing
• Polishing off
• Savoring
• Nomming on

Your Root Beer Float. Thanks Poof! Poof is also the one helping me redecorate my blog. Maybe.

Awk?

My mother likes to eavesdrop. A lot. So, today, I was sitting outside this really good ice cream place by my grandparents with my friend, and the guy I went on a date with texted her phone (my phone is busted) for the hundredth time saying "Hi." "Please reply!!!!!" I subsequently deleted the messages and went about eating/drinking* my root beer float and talking to my friend. Then, on the speakers, the song "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars comes on. You know, "There'll be no `sunlight if I lose you baby" all melancholy and shit. Well, I comment on how he'd (Bruno) be the neediest boyfriend EVER. He'd catch a grenade for me, and if I left him he'd be all gloomy and shit. So, who wants HIM as a boyfriend? Not me! Well, I'm also a good deal younger, but that's not the point. So my mom hears that, and I didn't verbalize that I was speaking of Bruno, so she thought I was talking about said boy I went on a date with. "You know, you could at least say 'Hi.'"
"What????"
 "You know, ask him about his school preparations and stuff."
"What are you talking about? OOOH. NOT HIM! BRUNO! BRUNO MARS! THE SINGER OF THIS SONG! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"
"Oh."
 My mom is special. And really bad at eavesdropping.


 *My friend says better words are Consuming, Enjoying, or Partaking of my Root Beer Float. She is listing more and I will make a post after this one about it.That is all.

Homeless?

So, I sit outside a subway, sandwich in hand, book in lap, foot jittering, waiting for my mom to pick me up. A mother and her two daughters, one like 3 and one maybe 10? walk past me. The younger daughter tugs on her mom's shirt and points at me, whispering really loudly "Mommy, is that girl homeless?" I sort of put my hand on my face, and her mom says really loudly, "NO. She is probably just waiting for a ride." She turned to me and said "Pardon my daughter, she is really young." To which I replied, "No, it's ok. I need to shower anyway. Guess my hair is greasier than I thought."